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Badass Doesn’t Mean Bad Manners: Japecake’s Street Etiquette Quiz

February 28, 2011

You may be a pimp, but that’s no reason to be a Philistine. Does your thuggin’ withstand the scrutiny of polite society? Are you a hit man, or a hit gentleman? Take the following quiz and find out.

Complete the following sentence: “I will cut a bitch …”
a) if she disrespects me
b) who steals my money
c) to keep her in line
d) a piece of coffee cake

Brass knuckles should be:
a) worn to protect the hand
b) strategically hidden on your person for easy access
c) used in combination with a series of quick, vigorous punches
d) tastefully monogrammed

The first rule you learn when you’re starting out is:
a) always demand a lawyer before talking to the cops
b) always have an alibi
c) always stash some emergency cash in a secret location
d) always begin with the outermost fork and move in toward the plate with each course

For maximum street cred, it’s vital to keep your pimp hand:
a) strong
b) dominant
c) fully in charge
d) impeccably manicured

A drug kingpin summons you, his top lieutenant, to a meeting at which you are ordered to get rid of his main rival. After the meeting, you:
a) nod silently, signaling your full understanding
b) ask him where you should dispose of the body
c) go out to obtain an untraceable firearm
d) send a handwritten note of thanks

A man on a “booty call” is seeking:
a) sexual gratification
b) extramarital adventure
c) platonic companionship
d) an appropriate gift for a baby shower

A rumor circulates that a snitch has infiltrated your organization. You:
a) vow to make the guilty party pay with his life
b) discreetly ask around about any recent suspicious behavior
c) set a trap with disinformation that only the snitch would know
d) explain why snitching is inconsiderate because it ruins the surprise for everyone else

When an associate claims to be a “player,” your first assumption should be that he is talking about:
a) money
b) women
c) prestige
d) badminton

The correct answer in each case is “d.” Score yourself as follows:
7–8 correct: Mean streets? More like extremely considerate streets!
5–6 correct: You’re only a step from the corner to the country club.
3–4 correct: What happened to him? He was always such a good kid.
1–2 correct: Cold-blooded, and worse, rude.
0 correct: The World Is Yours

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