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Whoop Ass–Dispensing Alternatives Less Wasteful than Opening a Can

March 7, 2011

Whoop ass singles

Whoop ass in the shaker-top bottle

Whoop ass travel size

Whoop ass gel caps

Whoop ass resealable pouch

Dehydrated whoop ass (add water or milk)

Whoop ass by the foot

Refillable whoop ass cartridges

That pie-wedge-shaped piece of Tupperware, only used to hold pie-wedge-shaped whoop ass

Prepare whoop ass ahead of time, freeze in ice cube tray, and thaw just what you need

Whoop half-ass

Pixy Stix, whoop ass flavor

Whoop ass seconds from the Whoop Ass Outlet Store

Just be sure to use the whole can

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 7, 2011 2:16 am

    Years ago my father, a mechanical engineer, worked on extended shelf-life composite packages for whoop ass. And spaghetti. He also worked on irradiation systems that would let you store whoop ass at room temperature for a few years without spoiling. But it never took off. People just love the cans. And I understand why — there’s that satisfying “whoop” when you puncture the can with the can opener.

    • March 7, 2011 2:17 am

      The more you know! Also, Chef Boyardee used to make Whoop Ass (the double “o’s” were styled as eyes on the label), but it turns out there was too much ass in the formulation, and the whole E. coli mess that ensued nearly put them out of business.

  2. March 7, 2011 10:03 am

    Whoop Ass Roll Ups.
    Whoop Ass with Marsh mellows
    Whoop Ass Lite
    Whoop Ass Dark
    Whoop Ass on a stick
    Whoop Ass on a rope

    • March 7, 2011 12:50 pm

      “Whoop ass on a stick” would make a great mild curse. “Aw, whoop ass on a stick–they done cancelled the NASCAR race!”

  3. Danny permalink
    March 7, 2011 11:13 am

    We never had canned whoop ass growing up. Only homemade.

    • March 7, 2011 12:54 pm

      There’s no whoop ass like Grandma’s whoop ass. She always used extra whoop.

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