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If I Could Put Time in a Bottle, the Second Through Tenth Things That I’d Like to Do

March 10, 2011

2. Decant the time to let it breathe properly

3. Make a really long-burning Molotov cocktail

4. Shake up the bottle and spray my teammates with the Age of Enlightenment

5. Warn it about my jealous hourglass

6. Make a label for it with a picture of Time pissing on a Ford logo

7. Pour some of it into other bottles and play “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” with a wooden spoon

8. Stop worrying about being punctual everywhere and just sprinkle out a little as I need it

9. Display it on the coffee table with my bottle of Space and create a continuum filled with magazines and junk mail

10. Save every day till eternity passes away, then return the bottle for my dime

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 10, 2011 5:10 am

    You’ve spent so much time considering what you would do if you could put time in a bottle, you’ve over-looked the ethical considerations of whether you should. Someone is going to read this post and find encouragement to try and put time in a bottle and if they succeed the implications could be catastrophic!

    • March 10, 2011 1:04 pm

      You’re quite right. Coca-Cola test-marketed “New Time” back in 1985, and it was an unmitigated disaster.

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