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Popular Clichés, with Critical Commentary

March 11, 2011

Photo: Lin Pernille

“It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.”
It is the heat, plus the arsenic in the lemonade I just gave you.

“Put your money where your mouth is.”
Right. After you guys farted on it when I got up to go to the bathroom? I saw the whole thing.

“You eat Chinese food, and half an hour later, you’re hungry again.”
You always do this. You can’t just eat the inside of an egg roll and say, “I’m done.”

“I bent over backwards for him.”
Is that a sex thing? Because I’m really not comfortable talking about that.

“I gotta get back to the old ball and chain.”
Ugh. This is the lamest prison break ever.

“Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”
Where’s this coming from, all of a sudden? You knew I was an incontinent meteorologist when we started going out.

“He has ice water in his veins.”
That’s what comes of snowmobiling on the river before it’s completely frozen over. Now zip up the body bag.

“Sounds like a plan.”
Wha-?… It is a plan! Have you been listening to me at all?!

“We’re not out of the woods yet.”
Yeah, thanks for the update, Mr. Eagle Scout Who Doesn’t “Believe” in GPS.

“She’s been busting my balls.”
You’re a glassblower, you make Christmas ornaments, you leave them lying around for people to trip over. What do you think is going to happen?

“I don’t have two nickels to rub together.”
Next time just be a man and tell the cashier you don’t want any dimes, and it’s none of her business why.

“They totally threw me under the bus.”
Really? Because, I mean, you’re pretty fat.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 11, 2011 3:36 am

    These are brilliant! Well done.

    • March 11, 2011 11:41 am

      Thank you. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. It should be illegal.

  2. sonnypi67 permalink
    March 11, 2011 8:21 am

    Great stuff, Mike.

    Can you come up with one for: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?

    Seems like it would be pretty easy. For you anyway.

    • March 11, 2011 11:38 am

      Thanks, Chris. It all depends on the exchange rate. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. Ow, my fingers.

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