My Action Movie Day
Rappel into the shower
Use a sideways “gangsta” grip on the gas pump
Point frantically at the menu board, silently mouth “It’s him!,” and keep the Dunkin’ Donuts window guy talking so that my associates can trace his coordinates
Grab mailman by the throat, slam him up against the wall, shove a gun in his mouth, and tell him I’m gonna ask him one last time where Rico is
When they call my number at the deli, tell them to take me, but leave the girl alone
Take a hard corner and fishtail the shopping cart as I narrowly miss the Hamburger Helper endcap
Wipe perspiration from forehead with the back of my hand, hold my breath, and grimace as I carefully cut the red barb from the shirt I got at Goodwill
Leap forward in slow motion, backlit by a roiling fireball, as my burrito explodes in the microwave
Jump off the treadmill while it’s still on, tumble across the floor, stand up, and dust myself off
Pull off this one last blog post, and then I’m out for good
japecake 
I now have an angry question to ask of people at work. With gun in hand. “WHERE’S RICO?”
Feel free to change ethnicity as needed, e.g., “Where’s Heikkilä-Laakso?” or “Where’s Шекуларац?”
Where’s Eddie The Fish
You’ll never be out for good. Just when you think you’re out, they’ll pull back in. Rico lives!
I’m gettin’ too old for this shit.
You know, once you cut that barb you’re at the point of no return.
Don’t I know it. Good thing I had my zip-line to make a quick exit.
I really enjoy your humor japecake. I was able to, vividly, imagine every scenario and I was busting a gut at each one. I especially love the postman one just because I can totally see his face (a man in my imagination) scared to death and the attacker deadly serious and none of making any sense. so funny. I’m glad I subscribed.
Thanks. You should see what I did to the UPS guy.
Well, you are certainly active….
In fact, I’m typing this as I hang upside-down from a skylight at the Louvre, about to abscond with Whistler’s Mother.