America: The High School Years

Photo (prior to alteration): Nick Nguyen via Flickr

Sneaks in through Canada after breaking 10 p.m. curfew

Tackles, pins down arms, and farts in Mexico’s face

Uses fake ID to buy beer, claiming to be China

Grabs Morocco and Egypt, pulls hard to give Africa a wedgie

Asks France for a sip, guzzles entire Perrier spring, belches

Hides skull-shaped lighter and baggie of seedy pot under Antarctica

Repeatedly smacks Sweden against Finland, tells Scandinavia to stop hitting itself

Puts Netherlands in headlock, gives Dutch rub

Uses Japan as a towel to snap North Korea in the ass

Calls Swaziland “Spaziland,” Guatemala “Squatemala,” and Uruguay “You’re a gay”

Reaches across Bering Strait, tapes “I’m an idiot” sign to Russia’s back

Sets bag of dog shit in Pakistan, lights on fire, rings India’s doorbell, runs

Awkwardly fumbles with the Himalayas under the bleachers after school

Tells Puerto Rico it was adopted