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Japecake’s Household Hints

April 6, 2011

Peace Corps photo (before alteration): Brett Holt via Flickr

To keep your bathroom mirror from fogging up while you’re in the shower, unscrew it from the wall and place it in the hallway till you’re finished.

If you find that your scissors become dull after a short time, feel free to take over the conversation.

It’s always good to have a bag of cat litter in your trunk for emergency cat sanitation.

Ever wonder what to do with those clear plastic deli tubs with the snap-on lids? Man, you must have a lot of free time.

Tired of spaghetti that sticks together? Make linguine.

Once the box of baking soda you keep in the refrigerator to absorb odors has reached the end of its useful life, kindly but firmly explain that it will be much happier in a home with round-the-clock care.

To prevent cakes from falling while they’re in the oven, install handrails on each rack.

Overwhelmed by clutter in your linen closet? Really? It’s just some towels and sheets. Don’t be such a drama queen.

Twist ties from loaves of bread make excellent, potentially life-saving tourniquets for hamsters.

What to do when you’ve spilled a box of straight pins into the shag carpet: find a magnet, then use it to attach a note to the refrigerator reminding yourself to be more careful next time.

To keep Brussels sprouts from becoming bitter, encourage them to pursue a meaningful, fulfulling career that instills a sense of self-worth.

A quick and easy tip when unexpected guests drop in right before dinner: tell them to leave.

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. April 6, 2011 8:06 am

    Run out of handkerchiefs? Stop crying so much. If things get worse, buy more handkerchiefs.

  2. April 6, 2011 12:03 pm

    You make this look too easy. Please stop. Please.

    • April 6, 2011 3:34 pm

      Thank you, but I didn’t do it alone. My hamster pitched in with the tourniquet idea.

  3. April 7, 2011 1:12 am

    I can only give the sincerest compliment that once again you’ve written something I wish I had thought of first.

  4. infinite monkey theorem permalink
    April 7, 2011 10:45 am

    Can that hamster still walk, or is he reduced to rolling now. He and I have that in common then! Hilarious!!!

  5. April 7, 2011 7:12 pm

    HAHAHA…these are the best..the last one especially.

  6. April 10, 2011 10:21 pm

    Lying here in bed with my face mashed into my iPhone screen reading this and laughing loudly. Getting weird look from spouse. Nothing new there. Thanks for the tips. I knew all those twist ties would be good for something. I’ll donate them to the local hamster shelter.

    • April 10, 2011 10:41 pm

      Thanks for your generous support. When will the hamsters learn? The seatbelt laws are there to protect them.

  7. April 11, 2011 1:52 pm

    Re: straight pins spilled on shag carpet. I’m sorry, but yours is the silliest suggestion I have ever heard. Did it occur to you that you could use that magnet in a more appropriate manner? Like attaching note to refrig reminding self of the importance of wearing shoes around the house until other family members have “discovered” all the pins?

    • April 11, 2011 4:24 pm

      Good thinking. Of couse, this would be completely unnecessary among certain Eskimo and Sub-Saharan tribes whose members exhibit a strong preference for linoleum.

      • April 11, 2011 4:28 pm

        Excellent point. And members of those tribes also have extra-thick calluses on the bottoms of their feet, making them impervious to pins, which renders the whole shag vs linoleum vs yak-fur debate somewhat moot.

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