Three Little Words: A Cautionary Tale

 

“What’s your name?”
“Hi, I’m Kim.”
“Want a drink?”
“Sure. Tequila shot.”
“Great. I’m Dan.”
[Four shots later]
[Kim pokes Dan]
“Are you drunk?”
“Yep. And you?”
“As a skunk.”
“You’re so hot.”
“It’s the booze.”
“Very pretty eyes.”
“Oh, that’s original.”
“I mean it.”
“Well … then thanks.”
“You live close?”
“Around the corner.”
“Can we go?”
“Sure, why not?”
[Ten minutes later]
“Nice place, baby.”
“You have protection?”
“Not with me.”
“Neither do I.”
“I’ll pull out!”
“Well, then OK!”
[Three minutes later]
“That was great!”
“For me, too!”
“Have any cigarettes?”
“On the nightstand.”
“I gotta pee.”
“Bathroom’s over there.”
“Be right back.”
[Three weeks after]
“I’m late, Dan.”
“Late for what?”
[Kim narrows eyes]
[Dan widens eyes]
[Three months after]
“I pronounce you …”
[They squeeze hands]
“… man and wife!”
[Nine months after]
“Push, honey, push!”
“It’s too hard!”
“You’re doing great!”
“I need drugs!”
“No, keep going!”
[Doctor speaks up]
“Here it comes!”
“Honey! Our baby!”
“It’s a boy!”
“I’m so happy!”
“Here comes another!”
“Here comes whaaa?!”
“It’s a boy!”
“Oh, my God!”
“You’ve got triplets!”
“No, please stop!”
“I’m just kidding!”
“What a relief!”
“You’ve got quadruplets!”
[End of scene]
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