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Three Little Words: A Cautionary Tale

April 29, 2011


“What’s your name?”
“Hi, I’m Kim.”
“Want a drink?”
“Sure. Tequila shot.”
“Great. I’m Dan.”
[Four shots later]
[Kim pokes Dan]
“Are you drunk?”
“Yep. And you?”
“As a skunk.”
“You’re so hot.”
“It’s the booze.”
“Very pretty eyes.”
“Oh, that’s original.”
“I mean it.”
“Well … then thanks.”
“You live close?”
“Around the corner.”
“Can we go?”
“Sure, why not?”
[Ten minutes later]
“Nice place, baby.”
“You have protection?”
“Not with me.”
“Neither do I.”
“I’ll pull out!”
“Well, then OK!”
[Three minutes later]
“That was great!”
“For me, too!”
“Have any cigarettes?”
“On the nightstand.”
“I gotta pee.”
“Bathroom’s over there.”
“Be right back.”
[Three weeks after]
“I’m late, Dan.”
“Late for what?”
[Kim narrows eyes]
[Dan widens eyes]
[Three months after]
“I pronounce you …”
[They squeeze hands]
“… man and wife!”
[Nine months after]
“Push, honey, push!”
“It’s too hard!”
“You’re doing great!”
“I need drugs!”
“No, keep going!”
[Doctor speaks up]
“Here it comes!”
“Honey! Our baby!”
“It’s a boy!”
“I’m so happy!”
“Here comes another!”
“Here comes whaaa?!”
“It’s a boy!”
“Oh, my God!”
“You’ve got triplets!”
“No, please stop!”
“I’m just kidding!”
“What a relief!”
“You’ve got quadruplets!”
[End of scene]
[Thanks for reading]
[Leave comments below]

9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 29, 2011 2:10 am

    Been there, Marriage lasted 22 months. But have 2 great kids, 3 grandchildren and one on the way.

  2. sonnypi67 permalink
    April 29, 2011 9:01 am

    My Life Story.

  3. April 29, 2011 1:00 pm

    That’s kinda depressing.

  4. April 30, 2011 1:39 pm

    I miss Shemp.b

  5. infinite monkey theorem permalink
    May 1, 2011 11:44 am

    Given the circumstances leading to the creation of the quads, I’m sure that life will provide everything they need…by the skin of it’s teeth! The best line up of the Stooges by the way!

    • May 1, 2011 8:25 pm

      Yes, everything turned out fine; Number Four came out clutching a winning Powerball ticket. You’re also right about the Stooges. They were originally a foursome, but Japey (far left) got drafted during World War 2 and came back shell shocked (by an actual clam).

  6. May 2, 2011 11:12 pm

    You’ve missed your calling as a romance writer.

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