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Your Favorite Chinese Restaurant May Not Be 100% Authentic

June 15, 2011

The “Lee’s” sign in front incorporates a cannon and a Confederate flag

You have to order the Akron duck a day in advance

The soy sauce is served in Hellman’s jars with “Hell” crossed out and “Kikko” inserted with a caret

Each time the word “Chinese” appears in the menu, it’s contained within quotation marks

After you finish your order of pot stickers, you get super mellow, but even hungrier, then giggle uncontrollably at a packet of Sweet’n Low, then fall silent at the sight of your reflection in your soup spoon

The Buddha statue in the foyer is flipping the bird

When your food arrives, the waiter lights it on fire and shouts “Opa!”

Bendy chopsticks

The Kung Pao chicken is made with circus peanuts

Chef plays joke, goes pee-pee in your Coke, doesn’t even try to hide it

Fortune pudding

Half an hour later, you feel rather full

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. June 15, 2011 2:38 am

    Probably not 100% but it’s definitely over 5%.

  2. June 15, 2011 2:51 am

    The burgers are usually pretty good in any Chinese restaurant that makes it into the 5th percentile.

  3. June 15, 2011 2:57 am

    I’m a big fan of the fried chicken and french fries.

    • sonnypi67 permalink
      June 15, 2011 8:09 am

      I prefer the chicken and waffles.

      • June 15, 2011 10:37 am

        Which comes first? The chicken or the Eggo?

  4. June 15, 2011 3:33 am

    ha i reckon your on to something!

    I like it!

    • June 15, 2011 10:40 am

      Thanks. And I didn’t even have to resort to a “Pu-Pu” joke.

  5. June 15, 2011 9:10 am

    “Fortune pudding” Hi-larious!

  6. June 15, 2011 10:03 am

    It’s true I have been wondering why I didn’t feel hungry again for days and days.

  7. June 15, 2011 6:50 pm

    This brings a whole new meaning to ‘Egg ‘Drop’ Soup”. *shudder*

  8. June 16, 2011 2:50 pm

    It’s 50 cents extra without shells.

  9. June 16, 2011 8:58 pm

    “Which comes first? The chicken or the Eggo?”
    ——————————————————————-

    Bravo.

  10. June 16, 2011 9:15 pm

    Thank you. I want to be your number-one source for breakfast-related humor.

  11. July 9, 2011 10:43 am

    If I see that Buddha statue flipping the bird, I will steal it!!!

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