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Fifteen Shades of Gay

July 30, 2012

In the closet

In the closet trying to find a pair of shoes that complements both my skin tone and my eyes

Gay for pay (but I want a receipt)

Gay as the day is long

Gay as the day is long on Venus

When I bought a car with ABS brakes I was sorely disappointed to learn that no actual abs were involved

I read Playboy for the centerfold articles clothing ads

So gay I shit rainbows

So gay I knit rainbows

When people say, “That’s so gay,” I’m like, Man, that isn’t nearly gay enough

I knew about Anderson Cooper all along

I knew about Anderson Cooper all along, and I helped him perfect the “Anderson Cooper 360,” which requires eight firemen, an assortment of nozzles, and a circular bed with waterproof sheets

My favorite insult is “That’s so lame,” but my favorite compliment is “That’s so lamé!

I actually can differentiate among fifty shades of gray, but fuchsia would really “pop” in here

This summer I’m taking a gaycation in the Gayman Islands with Siegfried and Roy and their gay pride of gay lions via a Gaymerican Gaylines flight piloted by Lady Gaga Gaydy Gaygay

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. July 30, 2012 8:59 pm

    “so gay I shit rainbows” – That’s art, right there.

  2. July 30, 2012 9:50 pm

    When people say, “That’s so gay,” I’m like, Man, that isn’t nearly gay enough — this is just perfect.

    At the risk of seeming like one of those people who puts links to their own posts in other people’s comment sections, here’s a link to the 50-shades parody I posted recently: http://unlikelyexplanations.com/2012/07/28/fifty-shades-of-greg/.

    • July 31, 2012 4:41 pm

      Nicely done. My own inner virgin was seduced by my inner slut, and now they finish each other’s sentences when they’re not … well, you know.

  3. July 30, 2012 9:55 pm

    fuchsia always pops!

    • July 31, 2012 4:43 pm

      Unless you’re already working with magenta. Then you need a bold apple green for contrast. And throw pillows. You can never have enough throw pillows.

  4. July 31, 2012 9:57 am

    This is the first ever post I have read of you and I am now officially a fan 🙂

    • July 31, 2012 4:51 pm

      Thank you. Your undying loyalty will be processed in the order in which it was received. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks.

  5. July 31, 2012 10:09 am

    The “lame” vs “lame” line is delightful. But my inability to put that accent over the “e” makes this comment kind of confusing and leaves me feeling…unsettled.

    • July 31, 2012 4:55 pm

      As a fellow fanatic when it comes to the correct use of punctuation and diacritical marks, I’ve found that the easiest workaround is to do a quick Google search on an appropriate word and then cut and pästé.

  6. July 31, 2012 9:06 pm

    Good nozzle assortment for the 360 really separates the men from the boys (if you can get them to separate that is).

    But if you really wanna get your freak on might I suggest the PETER JENNINGS 184°? Beware: you’ll need a Thailand belly dancer with a heavy Beighton score to pull it off correctly.

    • July 31, 2012 9:48 pm

      The Walter Cronkite 45 is also something to behold, if a little dated. But that’s the way it is.

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