Thomas Kinkade, “Painter of Light,” Has a Death Especially for You
March 17, 2011
Wishing well drowning
Picket fence impalement
Gradual crushing beneath a pallet of warm holiday memories
Stoning Cobblestoning by normally friendly townsfolk on the day of the annual lottery
Horse-drawn hit-and-run
Rose garden roulette
Cottage with walls that slowly close in on occupants, compactor style
Gazebo of Sharks
Old-timey lamppost concealing new-timey incendiary device
Nostalgia (with machete attachment)
Roof-thatching “accident”
Advertisements
10 Comments
leave one →
You have no idea how much it cheers me to see a satirical post about Thomas Kinkade, “Painter of Light.”
He captures Hell much better than Bosch does.
I am enlightened!
…I always referred to him as the “painter of shite”.
(But Hieronymus’ figures make MUCH better lawn ornaments!)
I like this phrase!
he looks like such a mustached pedophile.
That may be the best review of his work ever.
Reminds me of that line from HP Lovecraft, “Erring as all mortals must, they were forced by their rigid code to seek concealment above all else; so that they came to use less and less taste in what they concealed.”
At last. I am not alone. As Leonard Cohen said (and I am so fond of repeating), “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.”