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Japecake Says Japethanks, Plus: Adopt Private Sparkle!

March 27, 2011

I don’t normally post on Sundays, but I want to send out very sincere thanks to everyone who’s read and commented on Japecake, and to the Hipster Crayolas post in particular, during these last few crazy days. When I logged on around noon Friday I thought I was the victim of some kind of cruel spam attack. The formerly jagged skyline of my bar graph looked like it had been bulldozed, and Donald Trump erected a huge, glitzy monstrosity at the end of the block. And it isn’t like all the attention has been positive. Now I have to deal with all the Westboro Baptist Church people picketing on my front lawn with “God Hates Crayons” signs, and man, they’re not even cleaning up their KFC leftovers.

I also want to send a very special shout-out to the bedraggled but beloved handful of friends and readers who were there right from the start—excluding the Winkelvoss Boys, who, no matter what they say, were never formally associated with Japecake, and let them try to prove otherwise. I wish I could personally answer all the very kind comments, compliments, and “likes,” but I think I’ve finally exhausted my store of crayon-related wordplay. (Note to self: Redneck Crayolas; Blonde Crayolas; Polish Crayolas….)

I can’t tell you how surprised and grateful I am that so many people have responded in such a generous way. Let’s face it: a shot of unexpected publicity really helps—for which I also need to extend thanks to WordPress editor Erica. So, again: very big and heartfelt thanks to all of you. As a relative newcomer to WordPress, I’m also delighted, via your comments and links, to now have a wealth of other blogs to explore and enjoy. See you there sometime! And keep reading and exploring Japecake! It’s more than just colored wax!

Now, let’s get down to the real business at hand. As a token of appreciation, Japecake presents its first-ever contest offer. One lucky reader will win the original Private Sparkle, breakout guest-hero-prop from the hit two-dimensional series PAG: Plastic Army Guys.

What you get:

  • 1.75 inches of pure, two-fisted machismo, with a soupçon of fierce
  • Fully armed
  • Made in China, so you know it’s safe for kids
  • Wide base provides unparalleled stability and 360-degree standability
  • Richly enrobed in magenta glitter
  • Superior visibility at night and on the dance floor

What you don’t get:

  • Rich
  • Jokes about Private Sparkle’s sparkly privates

Here’s how to play: In the comments below, tell us why you want to adopt Private Sparkle, outline your plans for him, or otherwise pay tribute to his candy-colored brilliance in 27 words or less, by 11:59 p.m. (EDT) on Thursday, March 31.  The best responses will be featured in a Japecake post on Friday, April 1, and the winner will recieve the original Private Sparkle, who will travel to your doorstep in a luxurious padded envelope via USPS First Class (insurance extra). Don’t delay! Sparkle, people, sparkle!

19 Comments leave one →
  1. March 27, 2011 6:07 pm

    My son almost peed his pants when Private Sparkle down-loaded onto my 37″ computer screen. In Hi-Def. Throw a seven-year-old some sparkle love! 😉

  2. March 27, 2011 6:22 pm

    OK. Private Sparkle sez: “Greetings, [Your Name Here]. Chew each mouthful twenty times! Floss daily! And remember: Every day is lamé day!”

  3. March 27, 2011 8:37 pm

    Private Sparkle, because Vampire Sparkle is for wusses.

  4. March 27, 2011 9:44 pm

    i would put private sparkle on my desk at work. after a week or so, i’ll start carrying private sparkle round the office in my shirt pocket.

  5. March 27, 2011 10:10 pm

    Private Sparkle will be added to the gay-themed toys I bought my son to help him overcome his attraction to girls.

  6. March 28, 2011 12:20 am

    Private Sparkle would give life to my otherwise dull (minus the life-size unicorn poster and beaded chem lab goggles) dorm room.

  7. March 28, 2011 6:45 am

    He will join the war against the spiders that visit my desk. I’ve enlisted Ninja-Lego-Man and Crazy-Guy-Drawn-On-An-Eraser, but he will help win the battle with his sparkley-ness.

    • March 28, 2011 6:47 am

      PS. Entirely unrelated and more serious note (oddly, as it’s hard to be more serious than desk warfare) I’m one of those “broughtherebythathipstercrayolapost” crowd, but I intend to stick around and from what I’ve read so far, I’m loving your blog. Kudos!

  8. March 28, 2011 9:08 am

    I would take private Sparkle travelling around Europe and send you photographs of him enjoying the trip 🙂

  9. March 28, 2011 10:49 am

    Give me Private Sparkle Guy ‘cuz I gots no toys. For once, I want to experience a soupçon of fear…uh…I mean, fierce.

  10. March 28, 2011 11:40 am

    Private Sparkle would get in my home – a right to his own facebook page – where he would be encouraged to make friends that would see HIM through the sparkle.

  11. March 29, 2011 11:39 am

    My geeky comic book loving husband has a serious collection of comic book figures and it includes some of the gayest looking super heroes of all time. All of them are pretty homophobic and mostly just sit on the shelf looking overly pumped up and proud of themselves. I think I owe it to them (and to my husband) to get them a out-and-proud military man. I have a feeling that those superheros are going to be a little less highstrung and a lot more emotional after a few days with Private Sparkle. I won’t mention it to them now is it will only cause an uproar of closeted angst. All of them bickering but secretly yearing for the feel of Private Sparkles long handled blade…..

    I’ll send photos, of course, of the Sparkles and his new comrades.

    Here’s to winning what I think will be a great victory in my household ;o)

    • March 29, 2011 3:40 pm

      I’m an idiot. I totally went over the word limit. Let me try this again.

      Give me the toy and I’ll return your stolen goods. Meet me at Sizzler in 20 minutes, alone. Don’t jack this up Japeboy, I’m counting on you.

      OK 27-word rule. How’s that??

  12. March 29, 2011 11:44 am

    don’t let my above grammatical nightmare influence your decision.

  13. March 30, 2011 10:11 am

    In private you sparkle,
    In public you shine.

    You knew you were sneaking into the Army,
    But did you know you’re running covert ops in my heart?

  14. March 31, 2011 5:56 pm

    Just wanted to check on Private Sparkle. Hayes Wimbledon offered up some strong competition. I hear Shawn Mullins singing in the background.


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