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Pre-Mother’s Day Special: “Yo Momma” Jokes That Miss the Mark

May 5, 2011

Yo Momma so fat, when she sits around the house, she greatly endangers her cardiac health. Happily, I have a low-impact yet effective exercise routine for her.

Yo Momma so old, she’s on track to reach the esteemed status of a centenarian. Her moderate lifestyle is clearly paying off.

Yo Momma so wrinkly, she must be furious with that new dry cleaning place. And the sad part is the way that blazer really flatters her. I guess you really do get what you pay for.

Yo Momma so poor, she is surely eligible for a number of federal assistance programs. Do you need an application?

Yo Momma so stupid, seemingly, that I ran a few tests, and my suspicion has been confirmed: long-undiagnosed dyslexia. It’s all the more remarkable, then, that her brilliantly zany new novel, Mother, Yam I?, has just been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize. That’s three in a row!

Yo Momma like a bowling ball … right? Her old one is so worn, and it’d be the perfect gift to celebrate her first 300 game.

Yo Momma so black … well, Vader, quite black.

Yo Momma so flat, I think the tuning pegs on her violin are slipping again in this dry climate and she’s having a difficult time keeping the pitch high enough. But what a trouper to keep on playing that Beethoven sonata with such poise.

Yo Momma so short, the skillful integration of vertical stripes into her daily wardrobe was a shrewd choice and a complete success.

Yo Momma so hairy, I guess it’s pretty neat to be a Siberian Husky during those long Alaska winters, isn’t it, Sparky? Who’s a good boy?

Yo Momma’s glasses so thick, I dropped one on the patio during the cocktail party last week, and not even a chip. And she was nice enough to mix me another Bloody Mary!

Yo Momma so ugly, but so beautiful inside, and isn’t that what counts? But really, just hideous outside.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. May 5, 2011 4:11 am

    Yo mama so fat we slap some yellow paint on her and she could get a job taking kids to school.
    Yo mama so fat she had to get a license plate instead of a driver’s license.
    Yo mama so fat we gonna write GOODYEAR on her behind and put her in the parade.
    Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and squeezed a booger out of Washington’s nose.

  2. May 5, 2011 6:16 am

    Aww, snap! Oh no he didn’t!
    The playground’s been warned about messin’ with Japey.

  3. sonnypi67 permalink
    May 5, 2011 8:01 am

    I’m telling my mom!

  4. May 5, 2011 12:06 pm

    Did you ever notice how much Mrs. Cleaver and Mrs. Jetson look alike? Have you ever seen them together, at the same place? Makes you wonder…

    • May 6, 2011 11:24 am

      I don’t know … with Jane Jetson’s red hair, I’m seeing Mrs. Garrett from The Facts of Life more as her double. Though Jane and June Cleaver really rock the pearls.

      • May 6, 2011 12:03 pm

        I have it on good authority that’s not her natural color.

  5. infinite monkey theorem permalink
    May 10, 2011 5:21 pm

    Mother Yam I!A classic. Prize awarded in the merry merry month of Yam!

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